Weekend Joke

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skeedaddy2's picture
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We've all heard about people having guts or balls.  But do you really know the difference?GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask, "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"BALLS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."Both will have the same outcome.

Philo Kvetch's picture
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Q:  Why did God invent women?
A:  'Cause try as he might, Adam just couldn't teach those darned sheep to cook.

skeedaddy2's picture
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The difference between men and women:A woman marries a man hoping that he will change...and never does. A man marries a woman hoping that she will never change...and always does.

mktsystms's picture
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The difference between a gentile woman and a Jewish woman:The gentile woman tells her husband, "buy viagra."The Jewish woman tells her husband, "buy Pfizer."

babbling looney's picture
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Ok ....it isn't the weekend, but this joke was too funny not to share with the "guys" . 
Why men are rarely published in Dear Abby
Dear Abby,

    I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision.

    I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs... Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them." I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the street. 

    Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife.  I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

    I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motor cycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. 

    It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil. 

    Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

skeedaddy2's picture
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Two guys from Daniels County are quietly sitting in a boat at Fort Peck,
Montana, fishing and drinking beer.

Almost silently so as not to scare the fish Mel says, "I think I'm going to
divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months."

Earl continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says, "You better
think it over - women like that are hard to find."

doberman's picture
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skeedaddy2's picture
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I know I'm a bit early, but hey, I just came across this one
today.

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with
four young mothers and their small children... "You all have obsessions," he
observed.... To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with
eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second
Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your
child's name, Penny." He turns to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is
alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, gets up, takes her little
boy by the hand and whispers. "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."

skeedaddy2's picture
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The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be
THE
Man Of Your House."

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you
need
to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.

You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating
my
meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going
to
go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want.

Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash
my

back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my
feet
and hands.

Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

The wife replied, "The f**kin' funeral director would be my first guess."

ExPropTrader's picture
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My all-time favorite off-color joke:
A man dies and goes to hell, the devil is reassuring him that it's not as bad as everyone thinks and that he even gets to pick his punishment.  The devil takes him to the first door and opens it revealing a guy standing in the middle of a roomful of snakes, guy says "oh no I hate snakes", they go on to the next room.  A guy is standing in the middle of the room with his wife, mother-in-law, and his boss all yelling at him all at once, guys says "I had enough of that on earth".  The devil keeps taking him from room to room, each one more horrible that the last.  Finally they come to the last room, and the devil tells him "this is the last one, after this you have to pick where you want to spend eternity".  The devil opens the door to reveal a guy sitting in a recliner, drinking beer, watching the game, and receiving oral sex form a blond-headed cheerleader.  They guy is so excited he tells the devil "I'll take it".  The devil says "are you sure, remember this is for all eternity and while this may look nice you have to remember eternity is an awful long time."  "I know, I know, this is for me".  The devil says "o.k., there's no going back now" and he walks over to the cheerleader, taps her on the shoulder and says "you can go now, I've found your replacement."
 

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insurproducer's picture
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A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of their first stops was the breeding bull exhibit. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "See .. He mated 50 times last year? ... once-a-week." 
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year." The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him." They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said, that'sonce-a-DAY. You could REALLY learn something from this one."The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow." NOTE: The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and the doctors say after months of rehab and a couple more operations he will be ok.

skeedaddy2's picture
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I want to live my next life, backwards:

You start out dead and get that out of the way right off the bat.

Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.

When you get kicked out of the home for being too healthy.

You spend several years enjoying your retirement and collecting benefit
checks.

Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years or so, getting younger every day until pretty soon
you're too young to work.

So you go to High School : drink alcohol, party, and you're generally
promiscuous.

As you get even younger -- pretty soon you become a kid again.

You go to elementary school, you play, and you have no responsibilities.

In a few years you become a baby and everyone runs themselves ragged
keeping you happy.

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like
conditions - central h eating, room service on tap

Until finally. . .You finish off as an orgasm.

skeedaddy2's picture
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ins. producer: I love that joke about the bull.

Starka's picture
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Q:  What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a corrupt politician?
 
A:  Chelsea.

skeedaddy2's picture
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The following are 25 rules that guys live by:

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.

3. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it
be.

4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
way.

5. Crying is blackmail.

6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not
work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

7. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

8. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

11. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act
like soap opera guys.

12. If you think you're fat, you probably are so don't ask us.

13. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the   other one

14. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

15. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

16. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

17. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have
no idea what mauve is.

18. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

19. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.

20. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer
you don't want to hear.

21. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.

22. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as SEX, CARS, the shotgun formation, or   HOCKEY.

23. You have enough clothes.

24. You have too many shoes.

25. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

skeedaddy2's picture
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A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, " I clocked you
at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your
radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear,
you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and
growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar
detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector
unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through
clenched teeth, "woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your
seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off
when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back
pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your
seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to
his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always
talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

"Only when he's been drinking."

doberman's picture
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jokeriswild's picture
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No jokes to post today but will sometime; have pm'd jokes and they must like them so much that they don't delete them and their mailbox is full.  Or, they're technically challenged and haven't learned to use their delete key, yet.  I realize getting a pm from me is special but really!
No more for you.  The quota has been reached.

troll's picture
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A thought to pnder while you are waiting for he next joke to arrive...
Do
 
 
 
           infants
 
 
                            enjoy 
                                                               Infancy
 
 
 
          as                                     much                                      as
 
 
 
 
          adults
 
 
 
enjoy
 
 
 
 
 
                                                                                     adultry?

troll's picture
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Whomitmayconcer wrote:
A thought to pnder while you are waiting for he next joke to arrive...
Do
 
 
 
           infants
 
 
                            enjoy 
                                                                Infancy
 
 
 
          as                                     much                                       as
 
 
 
 
          adults
 
 
 
enjoy
 
 
 
 
 
                                                                                     adultry?

Probably not. It's got to be tough being pulled from third base and stuck on second for a year, with no chance of hitting home plate until high school.

jokeriswild's picture
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Wow!  Where did that come from???  The infants on the site don't quite understand the adult jokes here.
But here's my very best dirty joke fer ya:
A white horse
fell
into
are you ready for this!!!!
 
ok, here we go:
a mudd puddle.

troll's picture
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jokeriswild wrote:
Wow!  Where did that come from???  The infants on the site don't quite understand the adult jokes here.
But here's my very best dirty joke fer ya:
A white horse
fell
into
are you ready for this!!!!
 
ok, here we go:
a mudd puddle.

Here's a clean one for you: The horse took a bath.

jokeriswild's picture
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I'm a little slow but I think I get Bobby's joke.
Hey, you obviously haven't watched much daytime talk shows: they're learning about home runs in jr. high now.
 

troll's picture
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Here's another joke...
 
Q:What's better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
A:Not being retarded.

now_indy's picture
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A man goes to the doctor, and after a ton of tests, the doctor comes in and says "Well, I have good news and bad news."  The man decides to hear the bad news first. "Well, the bad news is that you are very sick and only have a month to live."  The man says "that's terrible, what is the good news?"  The doctor takes the man out into the waiting room and points at a hot blonde, "you see that woman over there," asks the doctor.  The man nods and the doctor says "that's my girlfriend."
That's one of my favorites.

skeedaddy2's picture
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I sure hope you guys are better at picking stocks than telling jokes.   

An elderly woman walked into CitiBank one morning with a purse full of
money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to
the vice president of the bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an
employee took the elderly woman to the vice president's office.

The vice president of the bank asked her how! much s he wanted to
deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000". The
vice president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save
so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The vice president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"

The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are
square."

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible
to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the vice president and
said, "Would you like to take my bet?"

"Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are
not square."

"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money
involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o' clock
tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.""No problem", said the
vice president of the bank confidently.

That night, the vice president became very nervous about the bet and
spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning
them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was
positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring
himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the
vice president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet
made the day before that his testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the
day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so
that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the
president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the vice president.
"Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure."

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president
noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked
the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied,
"Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in
the morning I would be holding the balls of the Vice President of the
bank!"

troll's picture
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If you are as good at picking stocks as you are at telling jokes...
 
QUIT YOUR DAY JOB!!!! TOO!

babbling looney's picture
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A man, getting along in years, finds that he is unable to perform sexually.

He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing  seems to work.
Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this."
With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use  it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"
The medicine man replies, "When your partner can take no more sex and is completely raddled, all she has to say is'1234', and it will then go down. But be warned, the pork sword will not rise again for another year."
That night he showers, shaves and smothers himself in after  shave. He slides into bed, cuddles up to his wife, says"123" and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffy ever, just as the medicine man promised.
His wife turns over and asks, "What did you say '123' for?"

Big Taco's picture
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An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's libido.

"What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.

"Not a chance", she said.  "He won't even take an aspirin".

"Not a problem", replied the doctor. "Give him an "Irish Viagra".  It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went".

It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress.  The poor dear exclaimed,  "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah!  T'was horrid!  Just terrible, doctor!"

"Really?  What happened?" asked the doctor.

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate.  He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with one swoop of his arm, he set the cups and napkins flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me on the tabletop!  It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"

"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good"?

"Oh, no, no, no, doctor, the sex was fine indeed!   'Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years!  But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!"

goforbroke's picture
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FW.
>>DOCTOR > > > > > > > >A doctor in Louisiana wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he told his > >assistant, "Boudreaux, I am going hunting tomorrow and we don't want to > >close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of > >our patients". > > > >"Yes, sir..." answers Boudreaux. > > > >The doctor goes hunting and returns the next day and asks: "So > >Boudreaux, how was your day?" > > > >Boudreaux tells him he took care of three patients. "The first one had > >a headache, so I gave him TYLENOL." > > > >"Bravo Boudreaux! and the second one?" says the doctor. > > > >"The second one had stomach burning, and I gave him MAALOX, sir," says > >Boudreaux. > > > >"Bravo, bravo Boudreaux! You're good at this and what about the third >one?" > >asks the doctor. > > > >"Sir, I was sitting here, and suddenly the door opens, and a woman > >enters like a flame. She undresses herself, taking off her bra and her > >panties and lies down on the table, spread her legs and shouts: > > > >HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!!" > > > >And what did you do Boudreaux?" asks the doctor. > > > >"I put eye drops in her eyes."

skeedaddy2's picture
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Eight Words with two Meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male. The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a jock strap.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.!
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-_expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest _expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

AND:
He said . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . You wear pants don't you?

He said . . ... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on
the sofa and fart!

He said .. What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave
you?
She said ....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said .... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
She said . They don't have time!

He said . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said We don't know; it has never happened.

He said . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and
Good- looking?
She said .... . . They already have boyfriends.

He said .. Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to
bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

doberman's picture
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Another weekend joke:
Sheryl Crowe wants us to help save the earth by using only one square of tiolet tissue per bathroom visit!!!!!!
If it becomes law, I'm not shaking hands with anyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

troll's picture
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doberman wrote:
Another weekend joke:
Sheryl Crowe wants us to help save the earth by using only one square of tiolet tissue per bathroom visit!!!!!!
If it becomes law, I'm not shaking hands with anyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's awful hard to take her seriously when you've seen a picture of her vagina on the internet.

kap39's picture
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My favorite:

A man with a pet octopus walked into a bar and said, "I'll bet $50 that no
one here has a musical instrument this octopus can't play."
A man in the bar fetched a guitar. The octopus picked it up, tuned the
strings and began playing a Hendrix song. With a big smile on his face,
the octopus' owner pocketed $50. Another man brought over a trumpet.
The octopus picked it up, licked his lips and began playing a jazz solo.
The man handed the octpus' owner $50. The bartender brought over a set
of bagpipes. He put them in front of the octopus and said, "If he can play
that I'll give you $100."
The octopus looked at the bagpipes, lifted them up and turned them
over. His owner bent down and wispered, "What the hell are you waiting
for? Hurry up and play the damn thing.'

The octopus replied, "forget playing it, If I can figure out how to take off
these damn plaid pajamas, I'm gonna screw it!!"

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Mike was going to be married to Karen so his father sat him down for a little chat. He said, "Mike, let me tell you something.On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, Here - try these on.'
She did and said," these are too big. I can't wear them."
I replied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' Ever since that night, we have never had any problems."
"Hmmm," said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.
On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, "Here - try these on."
She tried them on and said, "These are too large. They don't fit me."
Mike said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that."
Then Karen took off her pants and handed them to Mike. She said, "Here - you try on mine."
He did and said, "I can't get into your pants."
Karen said, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will."

troll's picture
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2001 A Space Odessy.
The part that hit the editing room floor.
Dave is in the computer room taking out HAL 9000's processors one by one:
Hal: Dave! Dave I think you are over reacting.
Dave continues.
Hal: Dave, Can't we talk about this?
Dave continues.
Hal: Hello gentlemen... I'm a HAL 9000.
Dave continues.
Hal: Good Morning Dr. Floyd...
Dave continues.
Hal: Daisy....Dasiy... Give me your answer do...
Dave continues. Hal reverts to the conversation bot that was HAL's first computer product.
Hal: Good morning, would you like to talk about the Tao of Physics or Abstract Expressionism?
Dave continues.
Hal: Good Morning, would you like to talk about Global Weather Changes or Italian Opera?
Dave continues.
Hal: Good morning, would you like to discuss today's weather or last night's baseball game?
Dave continues.
Hal: Hullo, which do you think is better, The Addams Family or The Munsters?
Dave continues.
Hal: Hi, I'm an excellent driver, excellent driver.
Dave continues down to the very last processor...Click!
Hal: Hi Mikebutler222, I have one minute till self destruct, why don't you tell me everything you know about politics? We should have plenty of time!

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Whomitmayconcer wrote:
2001 A Space Odessy.
The part that hit the editing room floor.
Dave is in the computer room taking out HAL 9000's processors one by one:
Hal: Dave! Dave I think you are over reacting.
Dave continues.
Hal: Dave, Can't we talk about this?
Dave continues.
Hal: Hello gentlemen... I'm a HAL 9000.
Dave continues.
Hal: Good Morning Dr. Floyd...
Dave continues.
Hal: Daisy....Dasiy... Give me your answer do...
Dave continues. Hal reverts to the conversation bot that was HAL's first computer product.
Hal: Good morning, would you like to talk about the Tao of Physics or Abstract Expressionism?
Dave continues.
Hal: Good Morning, would you like to talk about Global Weather Changes or Italian Opera?
Dave continues.
Hal: Good morning, would you like to discuss today's weather or last night's baseball game?
Dave continues.
Hal: Hullo, which do you think is better, The Addams Family or The Munsters?
Dave continues.
Hal: Hi, I'm an excellent driver, excellent driver.
Dave continues down to the very last processor...Click!
Hal: Hi Mikebutler222, I have one minute till self destruct, why don't you tell me everything you know about politics? We should have plenty of time!

Way out of line and totally uncalled for!
if you have an issue with mike or anyone else here why not settle it of the board?
Now back to our regularly scheduled program:
 
A friend of mine has a trophy wife, evidently she wasn't first place.
 
 
 

troll's picture
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Joined: 2004-11-29

Bondguy,
This joke is (the one I told) is so old it has two beards.
It's also at least two jokes rolled into one. The conversation computer punch line I grew up with was; I dialed it all the way down and it said "Bongiorno". I didn't want to go ethnic here, so I used the old "tell me everything you know, I got a minute." 
I make it my policy to keep all of my conversations in public. I don't want PMs and I don't send PMs. Always been my policy and it has kept me in good stead through the years.

BondGuy's picture
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Joined: 2006-09-21

Whomit,
Public it is
To bring mike's name into it was inappropriate regardless of how you justify it.
I'm going to take a wild guess here and say that judging from the thought, time, and effort you put into your posts here you'd like people to read them. If your posts are filled with personal pot shots or gotscha set ups less and less people will do just that. Regardless of how good your content may be on some posts people will just pass them by because the potshot personal vendetta thing gets old fast.
I too have have had my times with mike. He didn't say anything to you that he hasn't said to me. As I've said I have the bruises to prove it. I respect the guy. He's one hell of a debator, smart and well spoken.  Mike and I don't agree much political. But you know what? So what! I moved on and so did he. I'm sure we will tangle again on some issue and be united in another. The point is we got past the vitrol and moved on. You need to do the same.
On another subject, your posts are verbose. At least I find them so. I'm sure i'm not alone. I'm not attacking you here, just trying to give you some friendly advice. I'm the last person to talk about this because I invented verbosity. Still find 500 words to make a 20 word point also gets old. As I've said, for that reason I bypass many of your posts. As I know, sometimes it takes a lot of space to get a point across. Still, for increased readability, shorter is better if possible.
Thanks for reading. Lets move on.

troll's picture
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Joined: 2004-11-29

Bondguy,
I'm not justifying, nor will I appologize for making a joke at Mikebutler222's "expense".
We're men here.
I have been absolutely above boards with Mikebutler222 in all of my communications with him, if you read the exchange in the Election thread you would know that I absolutely stayed to the point of the discussion (I find it the best tactic with someone who builds strawman arguments as he does, it drives them crazy when you won't take the bait).
I call him a liar only because he is a liar. You call it good debating, you are wrong, it is lying that he is doing. He intentionally distorts what has been said, that is lying pure and simple, I am well within my rights and my responsibility to expose his lies as such.  Other than that I spat no vitriol in his direction, although I have his spittle all over me.
Shorter is not my style. If you don't want to read (and I say this with all due resoect and humility and with malice towards none) don't.
We're adults here and we're smart people and I find it amazing the number of times that I'm asked not to be so smart (use smaller words, write shorter, easier to understand sentences and by this I don't mean to single you out, many have said the same), as if writing as though one were smart was a bad thing. It's astonishing and quite sad, really.
I love the debate, but I always give the poster the benefit of the doubt whenever they post. I'm a defensive SOB though; offensively so! I don't "feed the trolls" and I stay away from the threads that add to the general mayhem of the site. You can not say the same Bondguy. 

Philo Kvetch's picture
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Joined: 2005-05-17

As the Bard said, "Brevity is the soul of wit."

troll's picture
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Joined: 2004-11-29

BondGuy wrote:Whomitmayconcer wrote:
2001 A Space Odessy.
The part that hit the editing room floor.
Dave is in the computer room taking out HAL 9000's processors one by one:
Hal: Dave! Dave I think you are over reacting.
Dave continues.
Hal: Dave, Can't we talk about this?
Dave continues.
Hal: Hello gentlemen... I'm a HAL 9000.
Dave continues.
Hal: Good Morning Dr. Floyd...
Dave continues.
Hal: Daisy....Dasiy... Give me your answer do...
Dave continues. Hal reverts to the conversation bot that was HAL's first computer product.
Hal: Good morning, would you like to talk about the Tao of Physics or Abstract Expressionism?
Dave continues.
Hal: Good Morning, would you like to talk about Global Weather Changes or Italian Opera?
Dave continues.
Hal: Good morning, would you like to discuss today's weather or last night's baseball game?
Dave continues.
Hal: Hullo, which do you think is better, The Addams Family or The Munsters?
Dave continues.
Hal: Hi, I'm an excellent driver, excellent driver.
Dave continues down to the very last processor...Click!
Hal: Hi Mikebutler222, I have one minute till self destruct, why don't you tell me everything you know about politics? We should have plenty of time!

Way out of line and totally uncalled for!
if you have an issue with mike or anyone else here why not settle it of the board?
Now back to our regularly scheduled program:
 
A friend of mine has a trophy wife, evidently she wasn't first place.

 BG most of the time I've got your 'six', but in this case I have to say I thought whomit's joke was funny and it was a harmless jab at Mike.  I think Mike is a big boy with a good sense of humor and he can handle it.

BondGuy's picture
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joedabrkr wrote: BondGuy wrote:Whomitmayconcer wrote:
2001 A Space Odessy.
The part that hit the editing room floor.
Dave is in the computer room taking out HAL 9000's processors one by one:
Hal: Dave! Dave I think you are over reacting.
Dave continues.
Hal: Dave, Can't we talk about this?
Dave continues.
Hal: Hello gentlemen... I'm a HAL 9000.
Dave continues.
Hal: Good Morning Dr. Floyd...
Dave continues.
Hal: Daisy....Dasiy... Give me your answer do...
Dave continues. Hal reverts to the conversation bot that was HAL's first computer product.
Hal: Good morning, would you like to talk about the Tao of Physics or Abstract Expressionism?
Dave continues.
Hal: Good Morning, would you like to talk about Global Weather Changes or Italian Opera?
Dave continues.
Hal: Good morning, would you like to discuss today's weather or last night's baseball game?
Dave continues.
Hal: Hullo, which do you think is better, The Addams Family or The Munsters?
Dave continues.
Hal: Hi, I'm an excellent driver, excellent driver.
Dave continues down to the very last processor...Click!
Hal: Hi Mikebutler222, I have one minute till self destruct, why don't you tell me everything you know about politics? We should have plenty of time!

Way out of line and totally uncalled for!
if you have an issue with mike or anyone else here why not settle it of the board?
Now back to our regularly scheduled program:
 
A friend of mine has a trophy wife, evidently she wasn't first place.
 
BG most of the time I've got your 'six', but in this case I have to say I thought whomit's joke was funny and it was a harmless jab at Mike.  I think Mike is a big boy with a good sense of humor and he can handle it.
Not a problem joe. I'm not so much defending mike, as you've pointed out he can take care of himself. I was enjoying the new jokes added to the thread up until i read whomit's punchline. He's dragging his grudge match to other folders and I find it tiresome.

BondGuy's picture
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Joined: 2006-09-21

Whomitmayconcer wrote:
Bondguy,
I'm not justifying, nor will I appologize for making a joke at Mikebutler222's "expense".
We're men here.
I have been absolutely above boards with Mikebutler222 in all of my communications with him, if you read the exchange in the Election thread you would know that I absolutely stayed to the point of the discussion (I find it the best tactic with someone who builds strawman arguments as he does, it drives them crazy when you won't take the bait).
I call him a liar only because he is a liar. You call it good debating, you are wrong, it is lying that he is doing. He intentionally distorts what has been said, that is lying pure and simple, I am well within my rights and my responsibility to expose his lies as such.  Other than that I spat no vitriol in his direction, although I have his spittle all over me.
Shorter is not my style. If you don't want to read (and I say this with all due resoect and humility and with malice towards none) don't.
We're adults here and we're smart people and I find it amazing the number of times that I'm asked not to be so smart (use smaller words, write shorter, easier to understand sentences and by this I don't mean to single you out, many have said the same), as if writing as though one were smart was a bad thing. It's astonishing and quite sad, really.
I love the debate, but I always give the poster the benefit of the doubt whenever they post. I'm a defensive SOB though; offensively so! I don't "feed the trolls" and I stay away from the threads that add to the general mayhem of the site. You can not say the same Bondguy. 

OK, whomit, I didn't think I was asking you to dumb it down. Many times your content is very good, but I gotta tell ya man, at times its a workout to get through it and figure out just what you're saying. Part of being smart is knowing your audience. With this group you've got smart, driven and most importantly, busy people. Most of us just don't have the time to read a page long reply to every post, regardless of how good its content. It's no different than stretching a 10 minute talk at the local Rotary club into a half hour speech. You've lost the audience. And as smart as you may be, that just doesn't seem very smart to me. 

troll's picture
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Joined: 2004-11-29

Just one little thing...
What wears out my scroll finger is not long posts, it's the indiscriminate use of the "Quote" button!

troll's picture
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Joined: 2004-11-29

http://forums.registeredrep.com/edit_post.asp?M=Q&PID=65 656&TPN=5
This is a test.
I right clicked on a "Quote" button and the hit "Copy Shortcut" which I then pasted above.
Perhaps it will take the reader to the proper post.
If this experiment works, might I suggest that it be adopted?
Well, it only sorta works and I can see people accidently posting...

babbling looney's picture
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Joined: 2004-12-02

Oh, for Crimeny's Sake (as my Grandmother would say)   ..... this is a JOKE thread.   Whomit,...Must you f**k it up with your bile and stupidity. You screw up everything you touch. Give it an effing rest!!   Why do you trolls continue to screw with this forum? 
Oh.  Wait....I know! You have no life ....and  no sex appeal to anyone other than  the gerbils who live in your nether regions.  I'm calling PETA  right now. 
Please take Goforbroke's example. Off yourself.  I'll take up a collection and send some flowers. It will do us all some good.  I'll feel slightly sad and your florist will make some money.   Win ...Win.
 

troll's picture
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Joined: 2004-11-29

BondGuy wrote:Whomitmayconcer wrote:Shorter is not my style. Sir-that is the understatement of the week, if not the month.
but I gotta tell ya man, at times its a workout to get through it and figure out just what you're saying. Part of being smart is knowing your audience. With this group you've got smart, driven and most importantly, busy people. Most of us just don't have the time to read a page long reply to every post, regardless of how good its content. Precisely my thoughts.  Often the best communicators are those who can express their thoughts concisely.  I will freely admit I still have much to learn in developing this skill.  Sometimes your posts strike me as clever. amusing, and thought provoking, whomit.  To be frank, though, other times they strike me as rather contrived and difficult to read, and that you're just trying to impress everyone with how smart you are.As for mikebutler, he's long had the tendency to get into these extended debates, particularly when it comes to politics.  Honestly once you guys start posting in multiple colors and 5-10 paragraphs at a time, my eyes just glaze over.  If I want to read something that long I'll go read a good book written by a professional.  Something written on a topic of interest or that I enjoy, and one that I can comprehend without resorting to a dictionary or constantly re-reading passages.

troll's picture
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Joined: 2004-11-29

BL I just made a joke.

troll's picture
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Joined: 2004-11-29

Whomitmayconcer wrote:BL I just made a joke.Now THAT is concise and to the point!

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