10. “My advisor made perfect recommendations — which I completely ignored in favor of buying nothing but beer stocks.”

9. “My advisor held a client appreciation dinner at a restaurant with a decidedly inferior wine list.”

8. “He told me not to worry: ‘Martha Stewart does it like this all the time.’”

7. “My broker begins all discussions of market expectations with the phrase, ‘According to the Prophecy …’”

6. “He blew me off for a Wednesday 7:37 a.m. tee time.”

5. “My advisor created an overly diverse asset allocation plan while singing ‘In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida.’”

4. “He told me he'd execute my trades — but only if I beat him in trash-can basketball.”

3. “My broker waived all commissions and fees because she wanted to ‘give something back to the community.’”

2. “My rep told me the Prudent Man rule was something ‘a bunch of commies dreamt up.’”

1. “He handed me a 20-page ‘personalized’ investment policy that read, over and over, ‘All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.’”