I'd love to trade caller I.D. for "Caller I.Q

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
Do not play a leap frog with a unicorn.
Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go

All men are idiots, and I married their king.
A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.

"My kid can beat up your honor student."

A Hummer blew by me the other day. Stuck on the back of the SUV was the outline of a fish (much like the ornament used by Christians on their cars). Except this one was bigger and had a dorsel fin (like a shark). And written within the outline of the fish was "LAWYER".