[quote=babbling looney]Well, there is also a matter of physics and physiology.  Most women have an impedement on our chests that make it hard to reach over the edge of the window and our torsos are shorter.  I dare you to try to reach over the edge of a car window in a D cup bra..... and more importantly please take a picture of  you doing it and post on this site so we can all have a good laugh  [/quote]

Well, that does make a great deal of sense. But, instead of me doing it in a D cup bra, how about one of you? 

Math lesson in 1955:

"A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. If his cost of production is

4/5, what profit did he make?"



Math lesson in 2005:

“Si un hachero vende una carretada de madera para $100. Cual es la

ganancia si el costo de la producción es 80%?”

That is funny.

skeedaddy:Math lesson in 1955:
"A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. If his cost of production is 4/5, what profit did he make?"

Math lesson in 2005:
"Si un hachero vende una carretada de madera para $100. Cual es la
ganancia si el costo de la producción es 80%?"

 

-----------------------------------

Math lesson in 2055:

"Translate the above to Mandarin Chinese"

-----------------------------------

Math lesson in 2105:

"Translate the above to Clingon" ([sp?] - from Star Trek)

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he remembers

that it’s his daughter’s birthday. He pulls over to a toy store and asks the

salesperson,



"How much is the Barbie on the display window?"



The salesperson answers, "Which one? We have:



Work out Barbie for $19.95



Shopping Barbie for $19.95



Beach Barbie for $19.95



Disco Barbie for $19.95



Divorced Barbie for $265.95



The amazed father asks: "What?



Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?"



The salesperson annoyingly answers: "Sir…, "Divorced Barbie comes with:



           Ken’s Car,

           Ken’s House,

           Ken’s Boat,

           Ken’s Furniture,

           Ken’s Computer and…

           One of Ken’s Friends

"Hmmmm, What Was the Dorm Project Again?"

"PHILADELPHIA (AP) — When college freshman Janet Lee packed her bags for a Christmas trip home two years ago, her luggage contained three condoms filled with flour — a stress-relief contraption that she and some friends made as part of a dorm project." (emphasis added)

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,180144,00.html (scroll down)

A stress-relief contraption part of a dorm project? HA,HA,HA...And there were three of them? HA,HA,HA... Wow, she's got a problem. I bet her boyfriend feels inadequate!!!

This has to be one of the funniest websites out there. I'm sure you've all seen "motivational" posters stuck on someone's wall (maybe even yours). Well, if you have a "slightly" twisted sense of humor, you'll appreciate this website. These are called "de"-motivational posters:

http://www.despair.com/viewall.html

I forgot to add, in the previous post, to scroll down when you click on the website.

Subject: Bush outsourced<?:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

New President

Congress today announced that the office of President of the <?:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />United  States of America will be outsourced to India as of December 30th, 2005.   The move is being made to save the President's $400,000 yearly  salary, and also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and   related overhead the office has incurred during the last 5 years.

"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should   be significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accounting Office, has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect   to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay" ,  Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been underway for sometime.   Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the Office of President as of December 30th.

Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents  were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position.   He will receive a salary of $320 (US) a month but with no health  coverage or other benefits.   It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his Job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference  between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few offices of the US Government will be open.

"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the American Express call center" stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President   someday."

A Congressional Spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of the President, this should not be a problem because Mr. Bush was not familiar with the issues either. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of  concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issues at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson.   "President Bush has used them successfully for  years." Mr. Singh may have problems with the Texas drawl, but lately Bush has abandoned the "down home" persona in his effort to appear intelligent and on top of the situation.

Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligible for $240 a week unemployment for 13 weeks.   Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. , to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.   According to Manpower, Mr. B ush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to limited practical work experience. A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience shaking hands and phony smile.   Another possibility is Bush's re-enlistment in the Texas Air National Guard. His prior records are conspicuously vague but should he choose this option, he would likely be stationed in Waco, TX for a month, before being sent to Iraq, a country he has visited.

"I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport's terminal and gift shop.   Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a warm reception from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with details of his arrival so that they might arrange an appropriate welcome.

[quote=skeedaddy2]

Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligible for $240 a week unemployment for 13 weeks.   [/quote]

With unemployment under 5%, getting a job will be easy. Good thing he brought the economy out of the dumps Clinton left it in with his tax cuts  ;)

Oh sh*t we have a bush lover on our hands.  I don't suppose you believe the world is only 8,000 years old too???

(I'm probably gonna get bashed for this one)

This thread is reserved for those of us with a sense of humor. Leave your

partisan views at the door. Thank you!

Skee, good to hear from ya.  Great post.  I just had to bring the thread back in balance .  Some people just have to relax a little when their idol is getting hammered. (sorry mikeb, just havin' a little fun )

[quote=dude]

Oh sh*t we have a bush lover on our hands.  I don't suppose you believe the world is only 8,000 years old too???

(I'm probably gonna get bashed for this one)

[/quote]

Gee, that would be a as dumb as assuming everyone who agrees with Bush believes that, wouldn't it? 

When someone asks me what I think a firm (example: Merrill Lynch) I say "It would be unethical of me to speak bad about the crooks at Merril"

When they ask about a specific broker, I say "Wow... He still has his license?"

Life's Short & Tough.... kinda like a Bodybuilding Midget.

I'm kidding, by the way, so don't get all bent out of shape.

[quote=mikebutler222][quote=dude]

Oh sh*t we have a bush lover on our hands.  I don't suppose you believe the world is only 8,000 years old too???

(I'm probably gonna get bashed for this one)

[/quote]

Gee, that would be a as dumb as assuming everyone who agrees with Bush believes that, wouldn't it? 

[/quote]

I gotta go with JobHopper on this one.

[quote=doberman]

This has to be one of the funniest websites out there. I'm sure you've all seen "motivational" posters stuck on someone's wall (maybe even yours). Well, if you have a "slightly" twisted sense of humor, you'll appreciate this website. These are called "de"-motivational posters:

http://www.despair.com/viewall.html

[/quote]

Holy sh*te those are funny.  I bookmarked the website and will probably order one or two to mix in with the serious stuff just for a chuckle or two.

Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

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>

[quote=Dirk Diggler][quote=mikebutler222][quote=dude]

Oh sh*t we have a bush lover on our hands.  I don't suppose you believe the world is only 8,000 years old too???

(I'm probably gonna get bashed for this one)

[/quote]

Gee, that would be a as dumb as assuming everyone who agrees with Bush believes that, wouldn't it? 

[/quote]

I gotta go with JobHopper on this one.

[/quote]

Yeah,  I want to entrust the fate of my country to the guy who believe's LITERALLY all that wacky sh*t in the book of REVELATION  and is waiting patiently to be God's tool (with his hand on the NUKE button) to bring in Armageddon .  For anyone educated on the issue the end times are supposed to be initiated by massive conflict in the middle east (hmmmmmmm) and fundamentalist christians live for this crap.  Also, I want a president who doesn't believe that our world is more than 8000 years old; it's a great sign of intelligence and the ability to comprehend.  In my book he's just as wacky as the fundalmentalist Islamists.  Great guy to lead the world's most powerful country .