Don't let teenagers with too much time and an abundance of gadgets on their hands have all the fun with puns and made-up words and phrases. Here's a glossary of industry-related terms to work into your personal lexicon.
Blirting (v.)
In some business sectors, people flirt via BlackBerry; teenagers favor blogs. For serious financial types, it's flirting via Bloomberg terminal. Sample usage: “Don't tell anyone, but I was blirting with that hot broker today.”
Blownus (n.)
Get your mind out of the gutter. This is a bonus that's blown on stuff you don't really need before you even get the direct deposit. Sample usage: “I've already picked out the 60-inch plasma TV I'm going to get with my blownus.”
Bondage (n.)
The state of buying into bonds immediately before unexpected economic information causes prices to plummet. Sample usage: “The Fed says they can't stave off inflation, and now we're into bondage.”
Crackberry (n.)
The PDA as an addictive substance. Sample usage: “You can always reach him. He's on crackberry.”
Dow Joneser (n.)
A potential object of attraction who, like the stock market, has good days and hideous days. Sample usage: “She might have looked great today, but she's up and down — a total Dow Joneser.”
DUBID (adj.)
Dow's up, but I'm down. Sample usage: “One of my clients is pissed because she thought she should have had a good day, but it was DUBID.”
ECHo (n.)
East Coast hours, which financial types across the U.S. have to work (assuming they don't have do deal with the even more painful EurHo (n.), or European hours) no matter where they live, often resulting in sleep deprivation for those on the West Coast. Sample usage: “By the end of the week, ECHo catches up with me and I'm useless on Friday nights.”
E-lete (v.)
Deleting emails without reading them because you have so many in your inbox that you don't have room for sporn (see below). Sample usage: “I'll be right with you. I just have to finish e-leting the crap in my inbox.”
Fed head (n.)
The messy hair that results — no matter how much product you use — as you anxiously run your hands through it while waiting to find out whether the Fed is about to raise interest rates. Sample usage: “By the time the rate hike was announced, I had the worst Fed head.”
Hock (n.)
A stock everyone else is calling hot and getting all excited about, but you know is just a hack. Sample usage: “I'm not putting any of my clients in that hock.”
Layed (v.)
The past participle of Lay (as in Ken), which refers to the act of wrongdoing or fraud by any corporate executive that results in serious financial detriment to his or her corporation and its stock. Sample usage: “Didn't you hear? The company just got Layed and the stock is tanking.”
PMS (n.)
Paranoid Market Syndrome, i.e., a state of irritability, moodiness, bloating and inexplicable cramping resulting from stress and paranoia about every tiny market shift. Sample usage: “Don't even talk to him. He's got major PMS.”
Sporn (n.)
The pornographic spam emails that many brokers send to everyone in their address book in the hopes of generating goodwill and/or seeming cool. Sample usage: “Did you see the second sporn she sent today? It was actually pretty good.” Also (v.) the act of sending sporn. “When he sporns I don't even look at it, because it's never very interesting.”
Writer's BIO: Christie Matheson,
a former investment banker, is an editor at Boston magazine.
