Mission: Find out if your loved ones have created a will. If they have, where is it stored? If they haven't, why not? Don’t get ahead of yourself, you’re not trying to get them to walk away from the Thanksgiving table with a completed will; you’re gathering info to be used at a later date.

Why It’s Needed: People fight over money. Even family members who love each other and never squabbled in the past are susceptible. Whether the dispute is over a family heirloom, what to do with a home or straight-up cash, things can turn ugly before you know it. The second reason to have a will: guardianship. Underage children and special-needs adults call for extra thought and attention. Who would raise or care for them? How would that care be financed?

Action: Get a will in place as soon as possible. This isn’t about net worth, how much inheritance each person in the family will receive, or obtaining a complete inventory of assets, it’s about reducing the friction and stress that can occur when a properly executed will is not in place (or locatable). If a will exists, make sure it can be easily located and submitted to Probate as soon as possible so the family can begin to settle the estate.

Advisor Notes: The goal here is to hammer home the point: If we can’t find your will after you’re gone, then it’s as if you never did it. And if you neglect creating a will, when you know there are values and valuables at stake, then some very unpleasant things just might happen – and who wants to put their loved ones through that?

Mission: Locate disability and life insurance policies. Document where they are stored.

Why This Is Needed: The payout from a life insurance policy is often a lifesaver to help a family stay afloat while they grieve and try to get their lives back on track. Disability policies can provide a safety net in the event of serious incapacity. Sometimes existing life and disability policies exist as company benefits. It’s important to make a note of all employee benefits.

Action: Find out if one or more policies exist. Note the company name and location of documents.

Advisor Notes: It is essential for you to understand the financial futures of a client’s heirs. You may uncover gaps and needs, which can lead to more opportunities for you to add value and serve not just your current clients but also the loved ones they will one day leave behind.

Mission: Find out if your family members want to be buried, cremated, donated to science, shot out into space, or whatever else is possible and legal. Also, you need to know if they already purchased plots, and ideally, if they have some form of Funeral Insurance (or perhaps a Totten Trust).

Why This Is Needed: There are some people who plan their Funeral out well in advance. Then there’s the majority who leave the planning up to the family. Either way is fine as long as the family is aware, especially if someone already owns a plot. Let’s face it: funerals are expensive. If the family needs access to funds right away and doesn’t have the cash handy to pay for the expense, knowing of pre-paid plans can really help.

Action:  The absolute wrong approach to this topic: “I love this crispy green-bean casserole...speaking of crispy, what are you thoughts about cremation?” This is where age and experience tends to trump youth. Generally, the longer a person lives, the more loss they have experienced and they start viewing this as a practical discussion rather than something depressing and unspeakable. If your family experienced a loss in the past year, or someone mentions a funeral they recently attended, you can seize the opportunity by letting your family know what you want. It might sound strange, but try and keep it light to get other people talking and always speak about it in the distant future.

Advisor Notes:  Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful for many things, one of which is still being alive. Death is one of the last topics people want to discuss so if this topic is too sensitive as a dinner conversation encourage your clients bring it up when it might be more appropriate. No loving family member wants their death to be a burden on their family – as a trusted advisor, you can help them get their arms around the inevitable. 

Mission: Find out where your loved ones keep their important passwords and what they want done with all their digital accounts and services after they’re gone. This includes:

• Email (Gmail, Outlook, Yahoo, etc.…)
• Social media (Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, etc.…)
• Digital Music, Movies, Books (iTunes, Amazon, Netflix, etc.…)
• Photos
• Video
• Anything else living in digital form

Why This Is Needed: Almost everyone’s life has a major digital component and people are still unsure what to do about it after a death. Some accounts will be deactivated automatically if they go unused for a certain period of time. Others, especially paid services, could keep charging an estate each month or year until they are finally shut down. Some states have created Digital Estate Laws, but we’re still at the mercy of each service we use. Leaving behind a list of accounts, how to access them, and what to do in when these accounts are no longer needed, alleviates a huge burden.

Action: Start a conversation about passwords and what happens to various accounts and services when the owner is no longer on the planet. A generation ago clients easily passed down books, music, movies, and games because they were actual things to hold in your hand. Now, individuals pay the same amount for these forms of entertainment but they’re all digital, and most of the rights to those things revert back to the companies upon death. A recent study by software security provider McAfee valued digital assets at $35,000 per person. That’s a lot of money and no one wants to see it just evaporate into thin air after they’re gone.

Advisor Notes: Tell your clients how you store your passwords and get them talking about where they store theirs. Ask them how they expect someone to access their phone, tablet, or computer if that person does not know the password. Mention this story about an iPad loaded with games played by grandchildren was rendered worthless because no one knew how to gain access to it. If you have older clients who aren’t digitally inclined, you could end up explaining how your favorite digital services work. Some people are intimidated by new technology and could use the help. Not such a bad thing, right?

Mission: Help your family understand how difficult it would be to seamlessly manage general household affairs after a death or during an extended disability without some help. Families often work as a team, with divided responsibilities. Help them find a place to centralize all the duties so if one person is gone, the house can go on.

Why This Is Needed: We may not think about these details during day-to-day life, but how does the mortgage or rent get paid? Who takes care of the utilities like electricity and Internet? What’s the name of the company that fixes the water heater? When are you due for a cell phone upgrade? We live in an auto-pay era where a person can actually continue paying their bills five years after they die. You shouldn’t need a degree in forensic accounting to know how the bills get paid. You just need it documented somewhere.

Action: Simply ask where your parents or other loved ones keep all their bills. It’s not easy sifting through a filing cabinet of papers, but it’s a start. Print out this helpful Checklist: Documents To Organize And Share to get an idea of what’s required. Just remember to keep it loose, don’t pass judgment, and use some of the examples we mentioned above to get the conversation started.

Advisor Notes: Everyone’s life is filled with so many disjointed duties that are accomplished out of obligation or routine. We all need a way to relay these tasks to surviving family members, either to transfer services or shut them down. You can help your clients get organized and reduce not only their stress but also their loved ones’ concerns. So be in touch with your clients: encourage them to have more meaningful conversations over the holidays. If they get (or share) just one piece of valuable information it’ll be worth it.